If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by what we are, we can all be free.
“I think it is right I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decisions that affect my life. I think it is right that socially, I am afforded the same respect as men.”
“Books gave me a way to connect with my father, some of my most precious and treasured moments…I just remember him reading to me before bed and how he used to do all the different voices. I grew up on film sets, and books were my connection to the outside world. They were my connection to my friends back at school because if I was reading what they were reading we’d have something in common. Later in life, they became an escape, a means of empowerment, a friend I could rely on.” - Emma Watson
I could never really imagine myself doing one thing, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll end up doing four or five different things. I want to be a Renaissance woman. I want to paint, and I want to write, and I want to act, and I want to just do everything.
Dear OSS,
Have you ever found that often at the moment when you feel ready to give up, throw it all in and walk away…is when breakthroughs are made? Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race, written by Reni Eddo-Lodge, was born of this precise moment…
There is so much racist history that is not acknowledged and accounted for. I know this to be the case from my own education, and I know there is so much more for me to learn. This is why I’m excited to announce that our first book of 2018 is Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge which talks about the history of racism in Britain. I am not supposed to have favourites, however this was the most important book for me this year.
When I gave my UN speech in 2015, so much of what I said was about the idea that “being a feminist is simple!” Easy! No problem! I have since learned that being a feminist is more than a single choice or decision. It’s an interrogation of self. Every time I think I’ve peeled all the layers, there’s another layer to peel. But, I also understand that the most difficult journeys are often the most worthwhile. And that this process cannot be done at anyone else’s pace or speed.
When I heard myself being called a “white feminist” I didn’t understand (I suppose I proved their case in point). What was the need to define me — or anyone else for that matter — as a feminist by race? What did this mean? Was I being called racist? Was the feminist movement more fractured than I had understood? I began…panicking.
It would have been more useful to spend the time asking myself questions like: What are the ways I have benefited from being white? In what ways do I support and uphold a system that is structurally racist? There seemed to be a million types of feminist and feminism. But instead of seeing this as a splintering, I could have asked whether this defining was actually empowering and bringing about better understanding. But I didn’t know to ask these questions.
I met a woman this year named Happy who works for an organization called Mama Cash and she told me this about her long history working in the women’s sector: “Call me out. But if you’re going to call me out, walk alongside me as I do the work”. Working alongside women like Happy is a privilege. As human beings, as friends, as family members, as partners, we all have blind spots; we need people that love us to call us out and then walk with us while we do the work.
This has been an amazing two years for me, working on Our Shared Shelf. There were moments when I wondered whether the club should be an ongoing thing. Thank you for making me sure that it would be crazy not to keep going in 2018.
Thank you to everyone who has contributed, laid themselves bare, been patient and compassionate or shared useful information with other members of the community. Thanks to those who hid books and posted their photos to Instagram, or started a talking circle or smaller club and met up in different parts of the world.
Everyone has their own journey, and it may not always be easy, but what I can promise is that you’ll meet some extremely cool people that you will REALLY love and respect along the way that will walk this path with you. You’re not alone. And even if you are, in a particular moment…remember you come from a long line of feminists who did this work, in the outside world but also inside themselves. I hope this book, as we move into 2018, empowers and inspires you as much as it has me. I am looking forward to discussing the contents of Reni’s book in more detail with you soon.
Love,Emma xx
I watch interviews that I did when the first Harry Potter movie came out and I was so lost! I would think, ‘What do young girls talk about? What do they say?’ ‘I like going shopping and I have a crush on Brad Pitt.’ And I had no idea who Brad Pitt really was! I hadn’t seen a single movie that Brad Pitt had been in, but this just seemed like the right thing to say. It makes me sad because I see this girl trying so much to fit in. The truth was I loved school. At first I was really trying to say, ‘I’m not like Hermione. I’m into fashion and I’m much cooler than she is,’ and then I came to a place of acceptance. Actually, we do have a lot in common. There are obviously differences, but there are a lot of ways that I’m very similar. And I stopped fighting that!
I guess what really forms you as a person is what you do within your family to receive love or attention. In my family, what you had to do to receive attention was to have good conversation at the dinner table or for me to do well at school, and those were really my focuses because that was what was valued the most.
“There’s something about looking into someone else’s makeup bag—it’s such an intimate glimpse into their personality somehow. When I was a kid and working on Harry Potter, I would always ask the makeup artists, or just anyone, ‘Can I see your makeup bag?’ I loved exploring that way. And my other favorite thing was, while I was having my hair and makeup done, to clean and organize people’s makeup bags. So I would sit there and clean every product and put it all back together again.
I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do a photo-shoot, people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me.
I really empathize with people and I can’t help but take care of them and protect them, sometimes in a kind of unhealthy way. I’m definitely a caretaker. I have to really pull myself back on the reins and say, ‘Put yourself first. Love yourself first.’ I’ve had dark times – this voice in my head that makes me pretty hard on myself, I really don’t let anything go. I’ve been learning that I have to try and be a bit kinder and take care of myself a bit better.