I really empathize with people and I can’t help but take care of them and protect them, sometimes in a kind of unhealthy way. I’m definitely a caretaker. I have to really pull myself back on the reins and say, ‘Put yourself first. Love yourself first.’ I’ve had dark times – this voice in my head that makes me pretty hard on myself, I really don’t let anything go. I’ve been learning that I have to try and be a bit kinder and take care of myself a bit better.
The level of questioning I was under, coming at such young age. People asking me, “What do you think of this? Who are you, who are you, who are you?” I felt so inadequate because I just didn’t have answers yet. I had so many friends who had a clear sense of self. Who knew that they liked certain things, like the smell of grass, or what their favorite color was. I envied those girls because I was so unsure of myself. I questioned everything. I was terrified by the level of interest in me. I spent most of my time trying to convince everyone I was incredibly boring because I needed privacy and a minute to figure myself out. I used to have to go numb and close myself off, for example on the red carpet, just to get through it.
I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell… And for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they’ve got planned!
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (2017) dir. Bill Condon